lisa-s.ca

One day, my mom, my two brothers and I were playing our family’s variation of Rummy 500 (which is really fun by the way), with a double deck of cards. We were all doing quite well, and one of my brothers was doing particularly well. He got well over 100 points in one hand (that’s really good, the goal is to be the first to get to 500), and started bragging. Anyway, this went on for a while, and I got fed up with it. I stuck my cards under the draw pile and left. Needless to say, what started out as a fun game of cards turned into something quite ugly and didn’t even finish.

There were a few other times during the game when I set my cards down and walked away for a bit. A conversation something like this followed:

Mom: Lisa come back.

Lisa: Not until he stops gloating.

After the game, there was a conversation that went something like this:

P. : We would have finished if Lisa hadn’t quit.

Lisa: Yeah, well, I wouldn’t have quit if you had stopped gloating.

Mom: That was fun until you left.

Ph. : Yeah, Lisa, it was your fault.

Lisa: It wasn’t my fault. P.’s the one who was gloating and you were being rude too Ph. .

Clearly I wasn’t entirely at fault for what happened, but I was at fault for what I did. I chose to make a scene and let my temper get the best of me. It wasn’t the only thing I could have done. I could have ignored the gloating. I could have politely asked my brother to stop. I could have grumbled quietly and still kept playing. There are countless other options I could have taken which would have resulted in the game being finished and a much better outcome. When criticized for it, what did I do? I tried to change the subject and lay the blame on somebody else. I played the blame game.

I’m not the only person who plays the blame game. My brothers and sisters are great at it too. I guess I wasn’t being a very good example. It’s amazing how much our younger siblings take after us. I’ve seen people do it both online and in real life. You know what I’ve found? It’s annoying and frustrating to the one not playing the game and makes the one playing it look really thick skulled.

So, what exactly do I mean when I say playing the blame game? Well, generally what happens is that a person does something which is rude, harmful, inconsiderate or otherwise and this is pointed out to them. In the case above, my brothers and mother were pointing out that the game ended because I left.

Then, instead of evaluating what was said and seeing if they may have been at fault, they try to place then blame on whoever “caused” them to do what they did. The problem is that, although  the action wouldn’t have been done without “blamee”, whatever they did not “make” the person do it. I wouldn’t have walked away from the table if my brother hadn’t started gloating, but I didn’t have to walk away. I chose to do that.

Finally, when someone points out that regardless of the “blamee” did, they are still at fault for what they did, they try to tell you that what they did doesn’t matter, only what the “blamee” did. They aren’t at fault because what they did happened as a result of what the other person did. But really, they are still responsible for what they do. In hockey, if someone takes a cheap shot at your player and you get in a fight with the guy who made the cheap shot, you get a penalty for fighting. That’s the way it works. You are responsible for what you do.

41 So why do you see the splinter in your brother’s eye, but not notice the log in your own eye?  42 How can you say to your brother, `Brother, let me remove the splinter from your eye,’ when you yourself don’t see the log in your own eye? You hypocrite! First take the log out of your own eye; then you will see clearly, so that you can remove the splinter from your brother’s eye!

- Luke 6:41-42 (CJB)

The person who plays the blame game is very much the person in the above verse who is trying to take the splinter out of his neighbour’s eye and not the log out of his own. Instead of taking the time to evaluate what they have done, they search out faults in others so that they don’t have to.

I’ve played the blame game a lot. Recently, I’ve noticed people, both online and in real life, playing it too. I commented to my Dad on this once, and he pointed out that I do it too. Ouch! If I don’t like something and think that it is wrong, then I shouldn’t do it. I really need to work on this area, making sure I don’t play the blame game.

How about you? Do you play the blame game? Are you going to try to stop?