lisa-s.ca

Most Christians (and non-Christians for that matter) would agree, I think, that it is important to respect your elders, especailly for young people. How often do you hear a mother telling her child something along these lines? Don’t we refer to older people by Mr. and Mrs. and use their last names rather than their first? Don’t we call our parents Mother and Father, our grandparents Grandma and Grandpa and our Aunts and Uncles Aunt and Uncle as terms of respect?

Why then, does this all change when we come online? We preach respecting your elders offline, and yet when we come online fifteen-year old girls are suddenly allowed to accuse adult women more than twice as old as them of sinning, turn around and use Timothy as their reasoning for doing it. Mind you, a couple of blog posts ago they were preaching Titus 2 and talking about how men and women are different and women shouldn’t be chastising men or those older than them.

Not only this, but teenagers are now allowed to claim to know the whole truth and therefore push it on their elders. Not simply that, it’s perfectly permissible to be rude about it and people shouldn’t be reading any tones into it. I’m sorry, but just because something is written doesn’t mean that it doesn’t have a tone; people are going to “hear” a tone when they read just about anything. I always try to write things using words that convey the tone I would like the readers to “hear” when they read it. I don’t think I’m very good at that though.

So, suddenly just because we’re not talking in person means teenagers can be as rude and obnoxious as they want to be and be disrespectful to their elders? I think not. It’s not even just their elders where this becomes a problem. It’s a problem when anyone believes the slightest difference and one can’t simply explain their opinion but must persist in trying to make the other person agree with them. Really, it’s Christian A talking to Christian B, but it sounds like having a conversation with a devout atheist.

Now, this isn’t to say that we shouldn’t disagree, because it’s inevitable that we will, but, that being said, there are a number of things we can do to respect our elders when we disagree. Firstly, you really need to watch the tone of your writing. You may not think of writing as having a tone of voice, but your reader will “hear” one when they read it. “You’re wrong!” comes across very differently than “I think you may be mistaken”, for example.

Secondly, remember that it is your opinion or belief and that you could be wrong, so acknowledge it as such. This ties in with the above, simply saying “I think…” or “I believe…” is much less offensive than a definitive. I’m not talking about quoting Scripture or other people here, but rather when you say anything for yourself.

Thirdly, take into account what you know the other party believes. There’s not much use in trying to quote Scripture to an athiest to convince them of something, because they don’t see it as a source of knowledge.

Fourthly, know what you are talking about and take it into context. Continuing the above example, if you’re discussing what a particular verse in the Bible means, or what the Bible says with an atheist, it’s fine to quote Scripture, but if you’re trying to prove to them that Christianity is true, it is not.

Fifthly,  know when you’re not getting anywhere and politely end the conversation. This is hard for me, because I like to be right, but sometimes I can just tell that I’m not changing someone’s mind and they’re not going to change mine, so there is really no use persisting in a discussion which is leading towards an argument. Sometimes this simply means just not responding.

Sixthly, realize that they are older than you. The have more “life experience” than you and probably don’t need you telling them how to live their lives. There is a difference between sharing what you do and why you do it and preaching it as the “law” and implying that they must do what you do.

Finally, always be polite and realize that it’s okay to apologize, especially if you feel you may have been rude, even if it’s just for being rude. I was once frustrated and got at odds with a teacher in high school who was supposed to be helping me, and I felt bad about it, so I apologized the next day. Turns out he was frustrated to and apologized to me as well. And you know what? We made up and there’s no damage done. That being said, most this doesn’t only apply to adults, but also to those the same age as you and younger than you. We should always be respectful.

1 In the same way, wives, submit to your husbands; so that even if some of them do not believe the Word, they will be won over by your conduct, without your saying anything, 2 as they see your respectful and pure behavior. 3 Your beauty should not consist in externals such as fancy hairstyles, gold jewelry or what you wear; 4 rather, let it be the inner character of your heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit. In God’s sight this is of great value. 5 This is how the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves and submit to their husbands, 6 the way Sarah obeyed Avraham, honoring him as her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not succumb to fear. 7 You husbands, likewise, conduct your married lives with understanding. Although your wife may be weaker physically, you should respect her as a fellow-heir of the gift of Life. If you don’t, your prayers will be blocked.

8 Finally, all of you, be one in mind and feeling; love as brothers; and be compassionate and humble-minded, 9 not repaying evil with evil or insult with insult, but, on the contrary, with blessing. For it is to this that you have been called, so that you may receive a blessing.

~ 1 Peter 3:1-9